Christmas Cards

Did anyone see breakfast TV today where they were discussing the merits of sending / not sending Christmas cards?
The general consensus was that most people thought they were a waste of time and money!
I found it all rather depressing ........miserable gits!
Although I'm pretty crap at sending Christmas cards, my humble opinion is that at least you're making the effort to keep in touch with people that you don't get chance to keep in touch with all year round, but still hold quite dear, despite your miserable lack of ability to pick up the phone often enough!

I can agree that it is a bit lame sending people that really mean nothing to you a card, and getting one from your estate agent, local takeaway and bank are a bit bizarre!
The most offensive are those really thin cheap ones with a robin on or something from your aging great granny! You really can tell you're getting old when you get a snow covered cottage and think, 'Oooh, I'd love a little place like that!!'

The funniest Christmas card I ever saw was one where Joseph was holding the newborn saviour outside the stable looking embarrassed and announcing to the 3 kings who'd just arrived...'It's a girl!'
Been looking for it on the net, but not found it yet. I will add it if I do!
Personally, I like sending funny Christmas cards. I see no harm in making people smile!!
If and when I ever descend into the depths and start sending flimsy robins and snow covered cottages, inject me with cyanide someone eh? Please?!!!
So Christmas is on its way! My girls have their advent calendars poised ready to rip open and the ladder propped at the loft hatch ready to get the decorations down on 1st December!
The retailers have gone into mass panic offering 25% discount for fear that the credit crunch will see us all buying each other a cheap DVD rather than splashing out on the usual expensive extravagances as we so foolishly do!

I personally think we should go back to that. Buy something meaningful for a fiver rather than something expensive for the sake of it.

My 'all time' favourite Christmas present was a Snoopy tennis watch I got when I was about 11. It had a tennis ball for a second hand that went round on its own, no hand!!! I thought it was amazing! I always really really really wanted a Stylophone...that little electric gizmo that Rolph Harris advertised?!! I thought it was so cool! I recently saw one advertised on http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/ and nearly bought it, but after watching their promotional video and hearing how naff it sounded, I decided it wasn't so cool after all!!! It sounds like a repressed fart!!! And talking of which.......



You have to admit , someone somewhere must have had a really good sense of humour to invent Christmas.....gathering loads of people together in a confined space, cooped up for several days in over heated rooms...............feeding them brussel sprouts?!!! Surely it isn't only me who has an adverse smelly reaction to the ugly green brutes???!!

Ho ho ho Merry Chrimbo x

Procrastination!!

Procrastination...what a fantastic word eh? But, it basically means being a lazy arse and putting off till later all the things that one should be doing now....hence this post!

I remember distinctly where I got this word from, it was actually quoted as 'indolent procrastination' in a Ted Hughes poem I studied at A Level: Thrushes. I loved the phrase so much I remembered it. Little did I know at the tender age of 17, that later in life it would become a hobby of mine, I'm fantastic at it!

The fact is, I so couldn't be arsed going shopping and watching Gabby pick the most expensive dress and look at me with those puppy dog pleading eyes, going....'Pleeeeease Mum, I'll love you forever!"...Yea, course you will until I ask you to push the vac round later!

I will take her though, maybe tomorrow....I need to make her earn it first by giving her a whole host of jobs to do first....toilet cleaning with a toothbrush for starters eh?! ........evil cackle!!!

She of course, has indolent procrastination off to a tee! Jobs I assume she's done are simply 'moved'. Know what I mean?...'Put that basket of clothes away Gabs'....'OK Mum' ...and they're gone, only to be found later, relocated to another room in the house still 'intacto' and unshelved (or unsided as Yorkshire folk say)!!
I am a Yorkshire immigrant too as well as a thespian immigrant (you may understand if you've read my earlier posts!), I came to live here in 1987 and stayed...well it was better than where I grew up.....Kidderminster in the West Midlands (Whest Midlunds, if you want the added accent!) I was born in the Lakes though and usually miss out the 'black cunty' reference when I tell people about my geographical history!

And yet here I am feeling slightly guilty....kids should be allowed to be kids right? Play, spend endless hours on the computer with naff music playing loudly and MSN 'bing bonging' up the staircase, noise polluting my atmosphere and my attempts to solve the Countdown conundrum (whilst on live pause of course)!!
So here I am procrastinating...avoiding ringing my Mum and Dad as I'll be on for hours listening to a tape loop of some story from 101 different angles! I said I'd ring though so I must!
I am also avoiding the 'housework'!!! Why oh why do we look forward to the weekends so much when all we have to do is more work!!! Washing, cleaning, shopping, blah blah blah..... Ooooh to win the lottery.....it would help if I bought a ticket I suppose!

My youngest; Al is at present keenly following the weather forecast on my iPhone as it is predicting snow and she is extremely excited about this prospect. So am I if it means that there'll be a 10ft snowdrift at my front door on Monday preventing me from going to work!!!
We don't get snow like we used to do we? Sad that. I can remember when we had lots and lots of snow and one Christmas skidded up and down the road outside our house where the bus had compacted its tracks into a rather effective ice slide....and sledging down a 1 in 10 hill like kamikaze death defying fearless idiots!
God I was fearless in my youth... an unashamed tomboy jumping off garage roofs with my brothers, with no thought of my life or the dangers of such a leap!

Well enough procrastination ....off to do something that will make me feel like I have earned the right to watch trashy TV tonight!!

Adieu mes amies, adieu

P x

Bloody Computers!!!

I hate bloody computers! I bought this beautiful, sexy, slimline portable hard drive the other day.....loads of good reviews etc. etc. thought it would be great for backups, transferring big files to and from work etc. but alas...the bloody thing doesn't work!!!

I came home all excited, plugged it in and it caused a power surge on both my supposedly super speed 2.0 USB ports and crashed my computer TWICE!

On one it chugs like a sad old car, on the other it whirs silently, but no drive appears. :(

I am despondent! I have tried updating drivers...even paid $30 for a software update to find all the outdated and uninstalled drivers on my machine, but to no avail.

I think it's a duffer!

So now I'm faced with having to send the bugger back and await a replacement......plus my optimistic joy at the thought of it is now replaced with scepticism that the second one will be shite as well!

Plus, I hate sending stuff back! It's a nightmare. They don't exactly make it easy for you do they?!!! Plus I'll actually have to go and find a post office, it's a shame the one click wonder of ordering online and them taking the money from your credit card isn't as instantaneous in return.

Oh well, deep sigh, better get on with it.

And my final thought......did I really need it?...Probably not, but couldn't resist the lustful pull of its sex appeal. Gadgets eh? Hmmphhh!

But then I'm reminded of a quote from King Lear......"Oh reason not the need, beggars are in their poorest state superfluous"

Adieu ;)

Speeding Fines

Did anyone see the news today on the new proposed speeding fines?
Is it just me or does it feel like the British public are constantly being bashed over the head with all sorts of shite to do with new laws and their punitive approach to us poor folks who just want to live our lives simply and without hassle?
So the proposals are to crack down on speeding so that you could get 6 points if you're deemed to be going well over the speed limit.

Don't get me wrong, as a mother of two, I totally endorse the need for careful driving but if a motorway is clear at night and you're wide awake, totally in control, good weather and you're doing 90mph, is it reasonable to be slapped with 6 points on your license on the spot?!!

I don't think so!

Just when I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel! I read recently of an MP somewhere who was getting rid of all speed cameras as they deemed them to be an extortionate ploy to get money out of the good British tax payer yet again. Can you believe, a 73 year old mum of a friend of mine got 3 points going through a 30mph speed camera at 34mph and she'd never had even a parking ticket in her life, let alone speeding ticket, but they wouldn't quash it, the old dear had to bear the humiliation of it!

Well, what with no smoking in pubs anymore and now we're all doomed to crawl like pensioners on the roads because 'they say so'........what more is there to say. Forget that little sexy sports car and bring back the Sinclair C5....no danger of any speeding tickets there eh? Incidentally, I did see an article on getting out of speeding tickets but have no idea if it works or if this guy is a rip off merchant, but worth a peek maybe if you find yourself in a spot of bother with the boys in blue!! Check out this link....

Ciao x

Genesis

Well hello there and welcome to my first blog, the first of many I hope to track the aimless wanderings of my mind and thoughts on any and every subject matter that springs to mind.
I must thank Sniffy for this, as she has inspired me to get into blogging and I now find myself excited at the prospect of being able to rant away in a kind of Ulysses-type 'stream of consciousness' with no definite aim or purpose - for now!
Well firstly, 'Genesis'....the choice of this title is simply because it's my first blog, so apologies to any of you who have happened upon this because you're fan of the band and want to read my thoughts on the wonders of their music...I have none!
Secondly, an amusing note, I typed in my blog address incorrectly as 'blospot' and was presented with a list of possible options; the first of which was a site for an erectile penis pump!! Won't be needing that as 'I have no testicleeeees'!! (reference to David Walliams' tranny character in Little Britain)....so off we go on my first tangent: I don't really get the appeal of 'Little Britain'. The first time round, the jokes are funny, but soon become sooo wearing. Don't get me wrong, they're very funny guys and seem really nice etc. but I find the humour tedious and repetitive. Saying that, Vicky Pollard is a very true representation of some youngsters I have had the misfortune of attempting to teach in my time! Catherine Tate is a bit the same, some great characters when presented as a one off but new material just doesn't seem all that new when you know exactly what's coming? Is it just me, am I just a killjoy? Now my mind's wandered to Kilroy for some reason! Does he really think that after his justified dismissal from his own show after making an arse of himself with his bigoted opinions, that the public are going to fall in love with him on 'I'm a Celebrity'???! He's such a male chauvinistic pompous arse!! He's not a celebrity....get him out of there!! Fake tan, nasty Birmingham twang, and supercilious demeanour, yuk!!
So back to humour....what makes really good humour? French and Saunders managed to make me laugh for years as did Victoria Wood and Julie Walters in the good old days, although Wood has that typical schizophrenic comic personality that tries to be too serious sometimes and no-one gets it. I once went to see her in Bradford and she sang a serious song and I was dumb enough to be waiting for the gag right up until the end when I realised it was supposed to be serious...it didn't work...neither did Dinner Ladies in my humble opinion, too much like the cast of Coronation Street for my liking!
Now Alan Carr...he's hilarious...I think it boils down to them having it naturally and not having to work at it, or not appearing to have to. Those that draw on real life and really hit home with the sorts of insights we've all found funny and manage to get it across in the best possible way...Peter Kay's good at that too.
I keep meaning to borrow my ex husband's DVD of Eddie Izzard as I used to think he was a bit weird, but think I quite like him!
So today I have been teaching but also trying to write my departmental development plan Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! I got so bored with it, I distracted myself by sending one of my pupils to the Technology department to find a wooden box I could put my keys in on my desk then proceeded to cover it in stripey wrapping paper to brighten it up then took it off as it looked naff!! The development plan still awaits me, beckoning me now from the far reaches of my mind, calling to me like a lost child! I suppose I may add a few targets and strategies to appease my guilt in between watching the Weakest Link and Eggheads on TV in a moment. Why watch those lame programmes I hear you cry? Because they make me feel intelligent! They pass the time whilst trying to decide what to make for tea!
Then later I have a stack of recorded programmes to catch up with ....Life...been loving that, Spooks, Fringe and The L Word.....it's the episode with Bette and Tina in the lift, I love that episode.....so great to see them finally admitted their connection to one another. I've seen the whole series before but love re watching as you see so many things from different angles and can't get enough of it. You will by now have guessed that I'm a thespian. I'm a gay immigrant however as opposed to a gay native, I was married to a bloke for many years before I decided that 'the female of the species was more sexy than the male'.

So that's it for now...I will be back with something more meaty to get your teeth into next time...something like shopping trolleys!!!

Ciao :)